I’ve spent countless hours formatting this blog and jotting down ideas for future posts, all in the hopes that I can put out quality content that reflects the person that I am. I think this will always be a struggle that I have to face, for my Type A personality is never fully satisfied with what I’ve created. Ever. I am always asking myself, “When my readers come to my site, do they feel at home? Are they getting to know me? Have I put my best self forward?”
I hope that in revealing my internal struggles to you that I am not coming across as vain; only that you understand why I care so much about what I do and what you get from it. I have this innate craving to create, to write, and to contribute to the world. And through this blog, I hope to achieve that.
A few weeks ago when I came across this post by The Rose Quartz, I was inspired! This seemed like a great opportunity to not only let readers know more about who I am, but to incite both myself and my readers to think beyond the average “get to know me” questionnaires we find online.
Here is part one of my answers to 50 thought-provoking questions. I hope you enjoy them, and get a kick out of your own answers! Part two will be coming soon.
1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Retirement age, based upon how I spend most of my time (sitting on the couch with either a book or Netflix). But I could also pass for a teenager, as I’m still struggling with mood swings and an intense identity crisis.
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying. I believe that you can learn from failure and come back from it (as difficult as it is to face), but if you never try then you will never have the chance to succeed.
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Pressure. From the moment we are brought into this world, we are surrounded by pressure and expectation. It’s impossible to escape the pressure to live your life according to others, to meet a standard that is expected of you by your parents and society. I think we spend our time daydreaming of things we wish we could do, but then fail to do them, because it has become almost taboo to do the things that make you happy if they don’t heighten your status or finances. We’re afraid to take risk, so we play it safe. And we conform.
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
I am human, therefore I know there will be plenty of things I will never do despite saying that I would. But I hope that in my old age I can look back on my life and say that I did most of the things I said I would do. This is something I strive towards every day.
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
Inequality across gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, etc. I think if we could accept people for who they are, we could unite to fix the rest of the world’s problems.
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Working as a travel writer/blogger. I’ve known for a very long time that the one thing I want most in the world is to see it and write about it.
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
Neither. I feel like I’m stuck in a strange limbo, where I’m refusing to settle, yet not pursuing what I should be. I do try every day to stand up for things I believe in, and I like to think I’m improving.
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I don’t think I would have bothered with college. I might be working in the food industry as a server so I can have extra cash for cost of living. Or I’d simply be traveling the world, taking upon jobs in foreign countries so I could afford to keep on traveling. Perhaps I would join the Peace Corps or teach English in a foreign country. But why should I let my prolonged lifespan stop me from doing those things now?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I would say only in the last year have I started to care less about the path I’m expected to take, and instead I’ve done what feels right to me. It’s pretty freaking terrifying! But twenty-two years is a long time to give up control of your life. So I’m trying to take it back. Which is not to say that I’ve completely let a designated person control my life; more that I’ve let expectations of family and society control the course of my life thus far. And I want that to change.
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
The “Type A” me would say I’m more worried about doing things right, which is very true to how I live my life. However, I’ve been struggling more so lately with doing the right things. Life is trial-and-error, to make a mistake is to be human; but I’m trying my best to educate myself enough to know how to do the right things. I don’t ever want to hurt someone by my inability to distinguish right and wrong.
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
What I always do when I’ve been in this situation: I let the criticizer know that everyone is human, and everyone has struggles. It’s not fair to judge without knowing what is going on in someone else’s life. And then I’ll proceed to explain why I consider that friend to be a good person.
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Don’t let anyone stand in the way of your true self; likewise, don’t force someone else to be someone they are not.
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
No specifics come to mind, but I know that I have.
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
That’s difficult for me to pinpoint, because who am I to say that I do something differently from everyone else–I have no clue in the grand perspective of things.
I suppose my yearning for knowledge in order to speak for those who don’t have a voice. My ability to empathize to a point that causes me physical and emotional pain.
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
Because I am me and everyone else is themselves. We’re different and we have different interests. It’s our differences that make us special, yet bring us together.
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Travel, particularly to New York City. Money. Money is always the culprit.
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
Yes, toxic relationships with people and with social media.
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
In the U.S., I’m torn between moving to Seattle or New York City (although I’ve never been to NYC, I have this instinctual feeling that I want meant to be there). Outside of the U.S., I’d like to move to Europe. I’d settle on a country after I’ve visited.
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I always push it more than once, and no, I do not believe it makes the elevator faster. I’m simply impatient. And I like to push the button.
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
Because *Popeye voice* I yam what I yam.
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
I haven’t always done a great job; one particular instance stands out to me and I’ve been trying to fix it ever since. But I like to think that I have learned from it and have improved greatly in the last few years. And I’ve recently learned not to settle for anything less than what I deserve in a friendship, too.
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
Losing touch with a good friend who lives near you.
25. What are you most grateful for?
Love and health.